Create the Most Disastrous First Date Possible and We'll Guess Your Relationship Status!

By: Jody Mabry

6 Min Quiz

About This Quiz

We all know that when we're on dates, disaster can strike, but we hope that it doesn't. Because we have no control over what may or may not happen, sometimes we are the victims of disastrous dating experiences. Some of them are so awful that they can rival floods, hurricanes, and even tsunamis.

Here at Zoo, we're always ones for making the best out of crap situations, so we want you to have some fun planning a disastrous date. Tell us what you'd do if your date arrived an hour early, tell us what happens when your waiter tries to get involved because he feels bad for you, tell us what'll happen if you choke on your food, and tell us what'll happen when it's time to pay for the worst dinner you've ever had. Tell us everything and don't leave any bad parts out.

How you handle yourself on this date will tell us a lot about you and your current relationship status. In fact, it may just be the fun way for us to determine whether you're single, taken or somewhere in between. So, if you want to find out and have a laugh at the same time, take out this quiz!

You are getting ready when a blind date is at the door an hour early. What the heck do you do?

Cancel the date. This person is way too excited.

Awkwardly welcome the person inside.
Offer the blind date a drink while you finish getting ready.

Pretend you didn't hear the bell and make your date wait.

You're not ready and offer your date a drink. What do you offer?

A beer.

A glass of wine.
A soda, I don't want them drunk before me.

Water. I only share my wine with people I know.

Oh, no! While waiting for you to get ready, your date got drunk in the living room. What did you catch them doing?

Cleaning my dishes with their clothing.

Eating my Twix like it's floss.
Popping leftovers in the microwave.

Picking up pieces from my shattered TV, which they broke while doing a headstand on my kitchen table.

Things aren't going great, and it gets worse when you realize you don't have any deodorant and your armpits stink. What do you use instead?

None. With the way my date is behaving, they don't deserve fresh pits.

I use toothpaste.
I splash on some mouthwash.

I use a band-aid to tape a few breath mints under my arms.

Your armpits are now fresh and you are ready to go, but something suddenly goes wrong. What is it?

The lights go out because I didn't pay the electric bill.

My date is so drunk they got stuck in my chest freezer.
My dog won't get off my date's leg.

I realize that my date and I are wearing the exact same thing.

You don't know how you didn't notice when you answered the door, but now that you are ready you realize you already know who your date is. Who is it?

My brother or sister.

My best friends ex, who I hate!
My spouse, awkward.

An old college chum. The one who always smelled.

Whatever, you're dressed up so just make the best of it. You are escorted to your date's vehicle. What do they drive?

And it's a bicycle. But, at least you have a helmet.

And it's an Uber that your ex is driving. By the way, your ex is bitter.
There is no vehicle. Your date believes in walking the three miles to the date.

Your date's car is filled with rotten apples, McDonald's bags, and something you can't identify.

You really don't know what is planned for your date. Hopefully, this is the last time you say, "You choose." Where do you end up?

A butcher shop. To butcher our own meat.

A laser tag arcade.
A retirement home to "give back."

A restaurant that doesn't believe in lights.

Things are not going so well. What do you order first?

Two shots of Southern Comfort.

A bottle of wine, for me only.
Anything hard and bring it fast.

Water. I don't trust my date.

Your date is still drunk from picking you up. What does your date order?

The same thing as me.

A Long Island iced tea.
A rum and Coke.

I thought it was water, but realize it is a glass of vodka.

Suddenly a mariachi band is playing at your table. What's the worst thing that could happen?

They don't leave.

My date freaks and punches one of the musicians.
My date pulls out a ring and professes love.

I begin to cry so hard that I drown in my tears.

Your server realizes that things aren't going well. %0D What do to they do?

Passes me a box of Kleenex.

Slips me their number on a napkin.
Flirts with me.

Doubles my drink order.

What happens when your date notices the interaction with your server?

They freak out.

Laughs and offers an invitation to join the two of you when their shift is over.
I see the pain that my date is going through and feel horrible.

They're way too drunk to have any clue what is going on.

You order food and start a conversation. What is a topic you discuss?

Bad dates.

Diarrhea.
Constipation.

Mommy issues.

Thankfully, the food arrives. What do you think goes wrong?

My shrimp is raw. But, it's okay, when I went to the restroom my date thought they would secretly eat all the shrimp off my plate.

My steak is literally still bleeding.
I feel an itchiness in my throat. Are there peanuts in this?

Your date gets veggies instead of fries and throws an adult-tantrum.

As you are eating, a pearl onion is caught in your throat and you begin to choke. What happens?

I clutch my neck, but my date thinks its a game and clutches their throat in response.

The server sees my and runs over to offer the Heimlich.
Nobody seems to notice so I slam myself in the abdomen and watch as the onion dislodges and land in my dates open mouth.

I pass out.

Someone helps and offers you the Heimlich. What happens after that?

I fart. Like a really bad one.

I vomit all over the baby a the table next to us.
It's all just embarrassing.

I notice my date eating off my plate as I choke.

Things calm down and you decide it's time to go. The server brings the bill. What does your date do?

They grab the bill to pay and "realizes" they forgot their purse or wallet.

They excuse their selves to the bathroom to wait out the payment of the bill.
They're hitting on the mother of the baby you just vomited on.

They and I both play the "pretend I didn't notice the bill came" game.

Okay, so this whole date is just bad and it's time to go. How do they react?

My date insists on walking me home.

My date got up and is holding my hand like we've been together forever.
My date stands up, is wasted, and collapses on the table with the kid I just vomited on.

My date and I leave. There is a strange attraction between us. I'm afraid it's the alcohol.

How does the conversation on the way home go?

It's nonexistent.

No clue. We were both slurring so much we pretended we knew what the other was saying.
Not as bad as my dates breath. I offer them one of the breath mints that I band-aided under my armpits.

Interesting since I found out that our server will be meeting us at my place so we can... Oh God, who knows what that means?

You stumble about forty feet before realizing you'll never make it home alive in our current inebriated state and call an Uber. Your ex is driving. What happens next?

My ex won't stop talking about how bad our first date was.

My ex proposes to me.
My ex gets in a fight with my date.

My ex won't stop talking about how great their "new" life is.

What happens when you arrive home?

My date is way too drunk to drive home so I invite them inside.

My date lands in a bush.
My date insists on a nightcap.

My date is starting to look more attractive.

The date is bad, but you are starting to feel a strange attraction to your date. What do you do?

Invite the date inside.

Kiss your date.
Fart.

Slap your date on the butt and then fart and giggle.

Once inside your house, what are you most likely to offer your date?

The other mint under your armpit.

Another drink.
An arm wrestling contest.

An opportunity to escape.

Since you didn't get dinner you make macaroni and cheese and step away to use the bathroom before eating. What happens when you return?

I find that my date rifled through my cabinets and put tuna in our mac and cheese.

My date ate the whole thing, "Oh, you wanted some?"
My date fell asleep with their face falling into the bowl of macaroni and cheese.

I find my date having a food fight with the TV and my really angry cat.

You are tired. What happens next?

I ask my date to leave, but walk them into a closet instead of out my front door. Thirty minutes later and my date is still in the closet.

I want to ask my date to go home, but my speech is so slurred I can't get the words out and pretend to fall asleep on the couch.
I launch myself at my date because after all this I'm going to at least get some hanky panky.

I kiss my date and come away with a breath mint in my mouth. Then I realize where that mint came from.

When you wake up the next morning, what do you find?

My date knocking on the closet door because they forgot their coat.

The server from the previous night laying next to me in bed and my date in the shower.
My ex and my date making out in the closet.

Nothing. Thankfully, my date left.

Once you get up and head out into the living room, what do you find?

My date stuck in the window because they couldn't find the door.

My date with a bowl of spilled mac and cheese on their head.
My date passed out with the rest of the alcohol gone.

I find that my T.V. has been stolen!

The first person to call you that morning is?

The parents of the baby I vomited on.

My ex.
The server.

My date, who I agree to go out with again.

When all is said and done you realize that all you lost was...

My dignity.

My T.V.
Any hope of a relationship in the future.

The ability to ever go back to that restaurant again.

5 Minute Quiz 5 Min

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